I have sat down several times this week to try and put together words for this post and each time it is a fight trying to make it happen. I am sure it is hard because a part of me doesn't want to write it, because it makes me sad, but the other part of me feels strongly that I need to be obedient in this. Everyone is ok, it is not bad news or anything, there is just a big part of me that has known for a while that I need to stop blogging for right now.
Honestly I could sit here and list out the 4-5 reasons, and try to explain each of them so that everyone understands, but I don't think that is necessary. Over the years there have been times in my life where I knew that I needed to be obedient to what God laid on my heart, and when I chose not to be I saw the consequences of it. The older I get I am aware of those moments and my only choice is obedience.
I love blogging. I love writing when my heart is heavy and bursting to share with each of you. I love going back and reading my blog books of when the girls were younger and getting to relive those special moments. And I love the support, encouragement and prayer that so many of you have offered over the years. I couldn't be more thankful for that, please know that.
Brandon knew I had been wrestling with this decision for a while and this week he was the one that finally said "You know, maybe it is time for you to rest. I will be sad because I love looking at the pictures of our girls but you have been fighting this for a while."
As soon as he said those words I knew it was time to rest. It sounds silly to say that it makes us sad but for years this has been my outlet in so many ways. I have met some of my best friends through this blog and God has done amazing things since it started 7 years ago. It has been a good thing.
But all good things also come with hard moments. There has always been pressure to keep up each day, not to mention making sure that I never forget to post about a "moment or a face" that we spent time with in an effort to not hurt someones feelings. I always tried so hard because that is my nature. There are times where the enemy has tempted others to think that the life lived at our home is much more perfect than it is. We all know better, and I have written that many times, but yet so many still can't get past the smiles in the pictures or the places the pictures are taken. It has never been easy to read the comments posted that were unkind. For every 100 sweet comments there is always that one that you lose sleep over.
This blog has been so many things for me. It has been healing, it has been the one place I can run to when my heart is so full and needs to be released. It has been my joy to see my girls faces when life wasn't the brightest. It has connected me to hearts that I will be connected to forever. It has been my safe place even though there were bumps in the road along the way.
It has been a blessing and so many of you have been part of that blessing. Thank you for caring and for walking this journey with us. Tears are rolling down my face just typing that because I truly mean it, so many of you have provided so much love along the way.
I wish I could tell you what's next but I don't know. All I know is that it is time to rest for right now. I felt like I needed to share with you where my heart was at, so that you didn't wonder why I just stopped posting. I told myself I would take one month off and just see where things were at that point. But at the same time if God lays something on my heart sooner, or later, that I want to share then I will definitely do that. I do hope that this time of rest can bring peace to places in my heart that are in much need of peace as well as provide more time to spend with my little girls before baby Heath joins our family. It is my hope that one day in the future I can begin writing again, and pick up where we left off, but for now I know I need this break.
I promise to update you when this sweet baby boy arrives, if not sooner.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.
9 hours ago