Eyes

Our eyes define us. Our eyes make us the person that we are, reveal the character that is within us, and guide us through some of our deepest valleys in life.

When I was a little girl my mom would say many things that I still remember to this day. One thing I remember vividly is her reminding me to "protect my eyes." It has always made sense to me through the years, but just in the last few years have I really understood how important it is.

Slowly God is revealing to me what it truly means to protect my eyes. He is showing me that our eyes are one of the most important parts of our body. Whether you are dealing with overcoming the past, limping through the present, or already worrying about the future...the role of our "eyes" in each situation is critical.

The Past. There are many things that my eyes have seen in my past that I wish I had not seen. Some voluntary, some not. Either way eyes don't forget, I can promise you that. When I was about 10 years old me and my sister were swimming in a river. Within minutes we were pulled into a current, at a fast speed, and we could no longer touch the bottom. I don't remember every detail, but I remember my little sister hanging onto me for her flotation device. I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe, trying so hard to stay above water, and screaming. If I stop and think about that moment I can see her face. She was so scared and she was looking to me to save her...and I wasn't big enough. The fear on her face will always be remembered because my eyes will not forget.

There have been several times, as a kid, when I was told to NOT go see a certain movie because it was scary. You know how it is, your human nature wants to do exactly what you are told you can't do. Needless to say I saw movies that I should not have seen. There was always a consequence though. The consequence was called nightmares. Eyes do not forget what they see, even when you are just "peeking" through the cracks of your semi-opened hand. A one second view lasts a long time.

I think we underestimate our eyes. I think we "think" we can handle a lot more than we can. We don't realize that our eyes are weak and they are not as forgiving as we sometimes need them to be. Once we see something it is near impossible to see that same thing in a different way. Many times our eyes are the reason that we cannot forgive as quickly as God would have us forgive. Our heart wants to forgive but we can't get past what our eyes have literally seen.

The Present. Believe it or not, our eyes control us. Each day when we get up we have a choice about where we will fixate our eyes. We get to decide what our eyes will be on, and how our eyes will guide us. Although it seems impossible some days, it's crucial that we keep our eyes on truth. God's truth. The reason I say it seems impossible is because our eyes get distracted. I truly believe that many of us have every intention of keeping our eyes on God, but our eyes are very easily lured to worldly things and before we know it we are caught up on a destructive road. I believe the only way to keep your eyes from becoming distracted is to be in constant prayer throughout your day. No human has the strength to keep their eyes fixed on God, without distraction, without the power of God behind them. Just trust me on this.

One of my favorite restraints is Souper Salad. Years ago it was a "healthy" place to eat. They had soup and they had salad. That was about it. Just in the last few years they have added some fun, but not so healthy things to the buffet. Pizza, ice cream, tacos, and the list goes on and on. Yes, the soup and salad are still there but they have made it very difficult to stay on a healthy track since they have added so many things for your eyes to look at. I seriously have to concentrate JUST ON THE SALAD BAR or else you will find me near the pizza, with sauce on my face. Even though I know the pizza is not as good for my body, it still looks so unbelievably good. If I let my eyes drift in that direction, even for ONE SECOND, then I am done. My eyes will have gotten the best of me, and the pizza will now be sharing space in my jeans. Our eyes control us so much more than we think. Souper Salad is not much different than life. We MUST focus our eyes on what we KNOW is good for us and keep our eyes there.

I used to work with many male teachers. Let's just say I have heard this line, from married men, many times in my past....

"It's ok to look, just as long as you don't do anything about it."

I never understood that sentence. A persons eyes control so much. I always wanted to say, and sometimes did, "If you let yourself look, and keep looking, then that is what you are filling your mind with." I wanted to tell them that just by looking, or looking twice that they already were "doing something." I still wonder who invented that sentence, because it is far from truth. Our eyes control more than we give them credit for.

The Future. One of my friends is going through a rough time and she continues to say something that has stuck with me. She says...

"Eyes on Jesus." When things get rough she just reminds herself to get her eyes back on Jesus and let Him worry about the problem. It's simple, but so beneficial.

When it comes to our future our eyes should be on Heaven. Heaven is the ultimate goal. Sometimes our lives are lived with other things as our "goals" and shame on us for that, because Heaven is the goal. Heaven should be where our eyes look to for the future. If our eyes are looking towards Heaven, then our daily decisions will line up where they should be. Our words to other people will be kind, our intentions will be genuine, and our hearts will desire to remain pure.....IF our eyes are looking towards Heaven. Too often our eyes are looking towards worldly goals and I think that God will eventually step in the middle of that and re-focus our eyes. Sometimes He has to teach us the hard way, but I am grateful for that because sometimes my eyes are selfish. When they are selfish I need to be reminded of His goal, not my selfish goals.

When our eyes look towards Heaven we are not disappointed. But when our eyes look to people, even people we truly love, we are disappointed. Every single time.

Our eyes play a big role in our life. Our eyes define us. Our eyes make us the person that we are, reveal the character that is within us, and guide us through some of our deepest valleys in life. Protect your eyes, they are more priceless than you think.

My eyes are brown. Brylee's eyes are blue. When she was born she was born with several qualities that looked just like mine. Some of her baby pictures look almost identical to mine, because of those features. But our eyes are different. It wasn't until I saw this picture that I realized how different our eyes are, and what a difference they do make. Eyes matter. They matter physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Protect your eyes so that you can be used by God, and not hinder others from knowing God. Our eyes control us. Let your eyes control you and guide you towards Heaven.

I found this baby picture of me. You can see that I was a brown-eyed little girl, no doubt. You can see my little nose, same as Brylee's, but those eyes sure do stand out in this picture.

Busy last 3 days

Brylee had a very special birthday this year, or I guess I should say birthday week! We got to celebrate with friends and family all the way through Thanksgiving Day! On her actual birthday we went to lunch with my mom, sister and sister-in-law. All of these ladies are SUPER special in Brylee's life so it was fun to be able to be with them.


Brylee loves her Grammie soooo much!! Wednesday night we packed up and headed to Houston to see Brittany for Thanksgiving Day. We decided to travel at night this time, just to see how Brylee would do. The picture shows you exactly what she did on the way there.....
....as well as on the way home! She pretty much slept the entire time like she was in her own bed. We found out that was the perfect time to travel with her at this age!
Here Nana Bev got her a rocking horse for her birthday...you can tell by her face that she loves it! She gets on it, lifts one hand in the hair, and starts to jump. I have no idea where she could have learned this, I know she didn't see me ride that bull a few months ago! Lol. It is hilarious though.
She can already get on and off all by herself!

We enjoyed our time visiting Brittany, as well as Brandon's family in Houston. Thanksgiving was definitely different this year, but we were grateful to be down there with Brittany. She was still on the ventilator, and sedated, as they continue to wait for her lungs to become healthy enough for her to breathe on her own. More updates to come as soon as I get them.

I hope all of you had a Happy Thanksgiving. Like I told my Beauties, Thanksgiving was very different this year for me and many people I know. Even though some of our situations were not ideal, we still have so much to be thankful for.

One year changed me. Happy Birthday

Dear Brylee June,

Happy first birthday. My eyes are filling with tears right now just typing those words. My heart is so happy that you are turning one today, but I am overwhelmed with how you have changed my life. I have had a good life. God has blessed me through each year that I have lived, but the way He blessed me this year cannot even be put into words.

This has been the best year of my life.

Your face is the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life. Your eyes are bright blue just like your Aunt AJ's. They melt my heart when you look at me. Your mouth is always doing funny faces...you could seriously win a "cutest mouth contest" if it existed. Your feet are just like mine. You scrunch your toes and play with your feet just like I do. Your fingernails constantly remind me that God is so real. Just the fact that a tiny baby can be born with tiny fingernails is solid proof that babies are a miracle. And only God can perform miracles. Your ears are just like your Daddy's, they stick out a little and I think it is so cute. Your thighs are chubby. They are so cute...I just hope if they stay chubby that you always love them like I do. Your nose is squishy just like mine, that is the first thing I looked at when you came into this world. Your bottom has baby cellulite. Cellulite works for you though, and I can't say that about many girls. Your smile is infectious. No one can look at your smile without smiling back. You are a miracle Brylee, every inch of you. You are a perfect miracle from God and your life has changed me.

You have made this the best year of my life. I am amazed at how one year has changed me. I picked out one picture from each month that is special to me. (That was hard to do since I take about 200 pictures a month!) I picked each picture out for a reason...each picture has meaning.

There will be times in your life when you will struggle, or times when you may wonder what your purpose is. I want you to feel confident in the fact that God had a special purpose for you, even from the first year you were born. God used your little life to open my eyes to what real life is all about.

Here is how one year has changed me.

I have shared this picture before. This picture expresses a million words. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me feel the way I did the minute you were born. On November 25, 2008, at 6:02 pm my heart changed. My life had a new meaning that was more special than anything I had ever experienced before. I felt my life changing in that moment, but I had no idea what the first year would teach me. I will never forget this moment with you.

One month old. I learned very quickly what it meant to be truly unselfish. I always thought I knew but I was wrong. True unselfishness means always thinking about someone else first. I had never had to do this before. The day you were born I had to learn how to do it every day. I didn't mind one bit. It has been good for me.
Two months old. I quickly began to look at things differently. Some things were serious, some funny. Life with a baby was just so different. It started to matter if it was raining outside because I knew that by the time I got you out of the car and inside we would both be soaked. It was easier to just stay home. Everything started to revolve around nap time. I couldn't just "go" when I wanted, I had to plan everything around the 9:00 and 1:00 nap. I started to notice that some people are so kind, and others are so mean. I would notice how some would open my door as they watched me limp to the door with a huge diaper bag, car seat and baby. Others would just pass me up. I just really started to notice things that I didn't notice before. I noticed changing tables, highchair cleanliness, places where I could find hot water for your bottle, and little things like that. My eyes just saw everything in a new way.
Three months old. I accepted the fact that I wouldn't get to be "fixed up" everyday. I accepted the fact that make-up would only happen if you slept that extra 15 minutes. I accepted the fact that a shower was not the first thing on my list anymore and it was ok if went 3 days without washing my hair. It was just how it was. Before you I was always fixed up. And after you it was just ok if I couldn't.
Four months old. I have seen the difference between little girls and big girls. When I say big girls I mean grown ups. Little girls are so full of life, innocent minded, and it never even crosses their mind that they are inadequate or don't measure up. Little girls are full of joy, they constantly smile, and they are not controlled by the world. I wish little girls never had to grow up. I hope that when you do grow up you will still have a piece of your sweet "little girl spirit" inside of you. It's a shame that so many big girls lose that.
Five months old. Being a good role model matters now more than ever. As a teacher I always tried to do my best, and be a good example for my students. It was always important to me. There were times where I failed, I will admit that. But with you, I feel like I can't fail. I don't want to let you down. I know in my heart that there will be a day when I will let you down, because I am human, but it matters so much to me to try not to.
Six months old. I have honestly learned what a smile can do for someone. Brylee, I have had some rough days during this first year of your life. Your smile has given me strength when I was weak, hope when I felt hopeless, and joy when I needed it most. Because of your smile, I want to smile more. I want to make others feel loved in the same way that you make me feel loved.
Seven months old. I learned to love your Daddy in a different way. It started the day you were born, but it was a slow process. I began to see your Daddy as the person who would demonstrate a males love to your little eyes. I was a teacher for a long time and unfortunately I saw how Daddy's destroy the hearts of little girls if they are not careful. Over the past year I have learned the importance of your Daddy in your life. I have learned that there are some things that I cannot model for you in the same way that he can. He loves you very much.
Eight months old. Your Aunt Brittany has fought cancer the entire first year of your life. Watching someone fight cancer is never easy, especially someone as young as your Aunt Brittany. Over this year I have thought a lot about having to watch you struggle as you go throughout your life. Right now I have no idea what your struggles will be but I know you will have them. My prayer is that you will always have your eyes fixed on Jesus as you go through them. This year I have learned to fix my eyes on Jesus. In some ways it has been a very rough year for me and if I had not had my eyes fixed on Jesus then I would be lost. I have realized the importance of this, as well as the importance of teaching you this as you grow.
Nine months old. I have always been a passionate person. When I believe in something I put everything into it and I run with it. Since you were born that fire inside of me has just spread in so many directions. You fuel my passionate heart, and right now my heart is just running wild...in the best way.
Ten months old. I always heard there was nothing sweeter than a mother-daughter bond. Even though I had heard it many times, I had to experience it myself for me to understand it. I knew what it felt like to be the daughter, and that feels special but now I understand what it feels like to be the mother. The bond is definitely so sweet, uniquely special, and could never be put into words. We definitely have a "heart" connection and I thank God for letting me experience this.
Eleven months old. Leaving a legacy has been on my mind a lot this past year. I understand it is important to make my mark on this world, in whatever way that I can, but after having you I see that you are my personal legacy. I desire for my life to be lived in a way that is contagious to you and everyone around me. Leaving a legacy is a priceless gift.
One year old. Watching you grow each month has been a humbling experience. There is nothing greater than watching you learn something for the first time. There is nothing better than watching you see something for the first time, or hear something for the first time. With you it has always been the simple things that get and keep your attention. I remember the first time you reached out and hit a door stopper. You had never heard that sound before. Your little face looked up at me and you cried the biggest cry because it scared you. You have not touched a door stopper since. You love to learn and so far you learn from your mistakes. I hope that is a quality that you will carry with you Brylee. It's ok to mess up, but it's important to learn from it. You love to learn, and I love to watch you learn.

One year of your life has had so much meaning. One year has changed me, and I love that it is only the beginning. I hope you always know in your heart that God brought you into this world for a special purpose. He has great plans for you, and I look forward to watching Him use your life for His glory.

I wanted to pick out the perfect song for your birthday blog. Ideas came and went, but one song stuck with me. It's an older song, and a song that is used at many weddings across the world every day I'm sure. It's a love song but it fits the way I feel about you.

The song is called "I will be here" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I have listened to it for years but when I listened to it this time the words hit my heart like a ton of bricks. Brylee, I want you to know that life is not always fun, and doesn't always go as planned. However, I will always be here for you. I will never ever leave you no matter what. And just like the song says....I cannot wait to "watch you grow in beauty." You are a beautiful little girl Brylee, and your beauty shines from the inside out.

Happy Birthday Brylee June, I love you more than you will ever know. Love, Mommy

Miss November. 1 More Day

Today I took Brylee to the photo booth at the mall. When I was a kid it was "the thing to do." You know those little booths they would have at arcades and amusement parks?! It was like $2.00 for a strip of 4 pictures. I always loved taking pictures in those little booths with my best friends.

These days I cannot seem to find the old fashioned ones, I have only found the new versions. The new versions are not as good, but I decided it would have to do for today! Now it cost $5.00 to get your pictures, which wouldn't have been that big of a deal except for the fact that we had to do it 3 times! Brylee was too distracted inside the booth and she was not cooperating. By the third time we finally got a couple of pictures that were acceptable! By the time we were done I was sweating to death and stressed out to the max. Who knew photo booth pictures could be so stressful.

Today she is wearing her "Miss November" shirt. I seriously cannot believe that one year ago today I had not seen her face, it's just crazy. I remember being soooo anxious though, as well as everyone else. I remember my phone was blowing up with texts and everyone was more than ready to meet her! It was a good day.

I asked Brylee how old she was this morning while she was playing. She showed me!!!!


I thought this picture was sweet. She has two babies now. Emma is her original baby that is bigger. This is her new, tiny baby. We named her Lexi. So now her babies are Emma & Lexi. Doesn't she look so sweet holding onto her in the car?!
One more day Miss B!! I love you because you are you!!

Brittany Update. Very Thankful

A Little Thanksgiving News Early!!

I know many of you are wondering why you didn’t get an update last night but you can relax. Brittany’s boyfriend, Justin, had spent the last 5 nights with Brittany in ICU and was exhausted. The doctor finally convinced him to take a break so I spent the night in the room with Brittany and unfortunately, did not have my computer with me.

That being said, my update last night would have had an entirely different tone than what today's will have. As I was driving back to the hospital last night, the word that I would have used in my update was “worried”. I was worried, the doctors were worried, we were all worried. Brittany had been in ICU for a week and had yet to wake up. She was in an unconscious, sedated state and not able to respond to any external stimulus. In fact, the doctors had scheduled a MRI for today to check out Brittany’s Central Nervous System and brain activity.

BUT…this morning about 5:30 Brittany began to open her eyes and respond to the nurse by squeezing her hand. By 8:00 a.m. her sedation medications had been slowly lowered and she was able to recognize Justin, respond to commands, and shake her head yes/no to answer questions! It was a great thanksgiving blessing!

The doctors are very pleased, but also cautious in letting us know that we still have a long way to go before Brittany will be strong enough to breathe on her own. They will begin to take her off the ventilator for short amounts of time while also doing some exercises to build up her strength.

Even with the knowledge that the road ahead will be mainly uphill, I cannot begin to tell you the blessing that I received when I saw those two big brown eyes looking at me!

Prayers were answered today!

Love to all,
Beverlye

The Carousel. 2 more days.

Lately Brylee is making some of the sweetest faces. So sweet that I could eat her up!! This morning when I got her out of bed she went straight for her big girl chair! She looked right up at me with this sweet face....
Today Brylee wore her cupcake birthday girl shirt! I decided to take her to the mall for lunch and a carousel ride. Brittany and her boys went with us and we had such a fun time together.


We rode the carousel 4-5 times and all the kiddos had a good time!

What a big girl!!
Brylee liked it the best when I rode on the horse with her! We just got home and she is sound asleep. This past week she has decided that she doesn't want to take a morning nap anymore. So by 1:00 she is out!! Great day so far. I am loving this birthday week, it is so fun for me too!!

Brittany Update

Hello All,

The word for the day has been PATIENCE. That is the piece of advice that the doctor left us with this morning. Brittany was having some ups and downs and we were a little apprehensive about the time element. He said, “We just have to have patience. I do not think today is going to be Brittany’s day.” And he was right. Brittany has been quite restless today. The medications were kept pretty consistent, no big change. The ultimate goal is for Brittany to be sedated enough to be calm, but conscious enough to hear commands and to be able to demonstrate that she is strong enough to raise her head, cough on her own, and be able to breathe consistently. Personally, I do not know how anyone can be conscious and calm when they have a breathing tube stuck down their throat, but then I’m NOT the doctor.

We ended the evening with probably her worse spell of the day. She was quite agitated and gasping for breath. The respiratory nurse, ICU nurse and on-call doctor were all called to Brittany’s room. It looked as bad as it sounds and they called the x-ray team in just to make sure everything was still looking okay. The good news is that the doctor said the x-ray actually showed her lungs were showing improvement – the right was continuing to clear and she could see a change in the top of the left lung for the better.

That is the good news that I am taking to bed with me and the good news that I am leaving you with.

Good night, sleep tight,
Beverlye

Family Day. 3 More Days

3 more days until the big day....

Today we spent the day as a family. Sunday's are always a good time to do that. We went to church, watched the Cowboy game, went to the park, and then had dinner. We spent a lot of time playing with Brylee today and watching her enjoy some of her new birthday presents she received at the party!

She loves her new chair!! She sits on the edge and bounces up and down....and just laughs the whole time. It's adorable. I have a feeling it is going to be her favorite thing!


She definitely looks like a little person in it eating her snack!!
She had a few meltdowns. Her back teeth are coming in and that is no fun. We loaded her up on teething tablets and oragel but she still had a few meltdowns!
She loved the park!!! She loves the swing, she would probably sit in it for hours if we would let her.

Such a sweet face :)



Her new thing is to feed Madden from her highchair. As you can see, Madden is getting pretty good at receiving the food too!
3 more days Miss Brylee! We enjoyed spending a family day with you for your birthday week!! We love you!!

Brittany Update: She is still fighting hard!

Hello Friends and Family,

We made it through another day and each day we make it through leads to another!

The doctors and nurses did a tremendous job of cutting back Brittany’s sedation medications. For those of you familiar with meds, she was taking 300 mg of Fentanyl and 15 mg of Versed. By the end of the day her numbers were decreased to 75 mg of Fentanyl and 2 mg of Versed. That was a BIG decrease in one day. The down side is she did have a couple of agitated spells this evening after the last decrease, so they opted to leave her at 100 mg for the night.

The really good news is that they turned the ventilator off during most of the day to let Brittany breathe on her own. She did very well. They will try to do the same thing tomorrow with the intent of getting her off the ventilator (extubate) as soon as possible.

Brittany continues to amaze those of us who watch her fight day after day! We know once we get the pneumonia and her respiratory problems under control that we will be back immediately fighting the leukemia. We are hopeful that the last two rounds of chemo are continuing to work in the background while all attention has been diverted. We are tracking the leukemia blast count in her blood each day as they do lab and I am pleased to announce that today’s blast count was 8%. We are anxiously awaiting the opportunity to refocus on the leukemia so that we can see what the bone marrow biopsy will tell us. Bone marrow transplant was and is still our goal.

Bless you for being faithful in uplifting Brittany in prayer.
Beverlye

My little ladybug. 4 More days

Brylee had a very special birthday party!! I know that she enjoyed it so much and so did we. It made me smile to see all the people who came because it allowed me to see how loved she is. What a wonderful first birthday party!

Here she is sitting in her big girl chair that we got her! She really likes it!! She did good watching me open her presents too, she loved everything she was given!

Here she is playing games!

After her party we took a picture with all of her gifts. She is going to have a great time playing with everything! I am excited too, she needed some new things to get her attention!
I was impressed with how she did with the cake. She has never had any sweets at all so I was nervous but she did just fine!

We love you little ladybug. Happy Birthday Party!!!! You looked adorable!

"Birthday Week"

I am starting a tradition with Brylee for her birthday. Each year I am going to give her a Birthday Week, instead of just a Birthday. It doesn't thrill me that her birthday is the day before Thanksgiving, and some years it will be on Thanksgiving. I never want her to feel like people are forgetting her birthday, or that it is not that big of a deal. So...

Each year I am going to do a 5-Day countdown up to her official birthday and make each of those 5 days special. As she grows older the ideas for those 5 days will change I'm sure, but I want to try to make this tradition something special for her.

This year she has different birthday girl outfits that I had made just for her. I am going to dress her up each day, take her picture, and take her somewhere fun. She is still too little to understand the 5 day countdown, but I think this will be something fun for this first year.

Today is Saturday and it is her Ladybug Birthday Party! I had a big red and black tutu made for her to wear at her party and I can't wait to see her wear it! Here is a sneak peek at her ONE YEAR pictures with her birthday tutu! Happy birthday countdown my little ladybug!!

Leaves & Update

Brylee loves leaves. My mom discovered this when she kept Brylee so their new thing is to play in the leaves. Looks like they had fun by the pictures I saw! The update on Brittany is at the bottom. I hope all of you have a wonderful Friday! I am getting ready for the big birthday party tomorrow!! The birthday countdown begins tomorrow...

Brittany Update:

Hello Friends and Family,

I am going to try to send out my update a little earlier tonight. There has not been a lot of change today – again, the main goal has been to keep Brittany stabile.

We have begun to reposition Brittany every 4-6 hours to keep her fluids from settling in one spot and to make her more comfortable. She is running 101-103 degree fever, which unfortunately accompanies the infection and the low white counts. Hopefully the antibiotics, steroids, blood, and continued rest will do their magic. We did have to place Brittany on a feeding tube. It would have been a little more traumatic for us non-medical folks if it was not for her boyfriend Justin. It has been such a blessing to have someone there with medical knowledge who can assure us that this is for the good of Brittany! Keeping up her strength is just as important as fighting the infections.

I know this is short but that is where Brittany stands for tonight. My plea is that we pray for stability. Brittany needs a few more days of stability so she can have the time needed to heal her body. Of course prayers for complete healing are always welcome!

Heartfelt thanks,
Beverlye

One year ago today & Update

One year ago today this was me. 38 weeks pregnant and ready to meet Miss Brylee. SOOO ready! I remember very clearly.


Here we are today. 6 days until her first birthday. A lot has happened in my life this past year.

I have been trying to teach Brylee to show me that she is "one" with her finger. I ask her how old she is, over and over, then I help her hold up one finger. I am hoping in 6 days she will be able to do it on her own. We will see!

Her first birthday party is Saturday. I will be honest with you...it's a tough situation we have here. Trying to celebrate her first birthday but yet so emotional and sad for Brittany. I have been going back and forth about what to do as far as the party is concerned. Cancel? Re-schedule? It's hard ya know.

Brandon's mom must have sensed I was struggling because yesterday she called me. She told me that it was ok to be happy for Brylee and sad for Brittany at the same time. It was nice to hear that, because I had been feeling guilty for the mixed emotions. She said that she, and Brittany, wanted this birthday party to happen even though they could not be there. She said not to cancel unless something happened that we had no control over. But for now, have the party and celebrate the first year of Brylee's life. I appreciated those words, more than she knew, because I was really struggling with it.

So this Saturday the celebration begins with a Ladybug birthday party! I can say that now I am excited about it and I feel good about it!

Brittany Update:

Good evening to all,

I am feeling a little hopeful even though the doctor was very careful to say “Brittany is not improving, but she is stable”. This came immediately after the doctor showed us a comparison of Brittany’s x-rays from yesterday and her x-rays from today. While yesterday’s showed 100% pneumonia, today’s x-rays showed about half of her right lung beginning to clear. That makes me hopeful! The doctor also informed us that Brittany is battling both a fungal infection and a bacterial infection in her lungs and it was going to be tough. It does seem like every bit of news we receive is like a see-saw – up and down.

Brittany has been under constant sedation, but there were several times today when she became quite agitated. We have discovered that she does not like anyone positioning her on the bed. She also does not like being moved to take chest x-rays and she does not like having new access lines placed in her veins. Because of the agitation, the doctor decided not to scope today but to allow Brittany more time to rest while receiving the platelets, red/white blood cells, steroids, and antibiotics. She is still on the ventilator and not able to breathe on her own.

We did get another hopeful piece of information even though the pneumonia is taking priority over the leukemia. Her blood test showed 36% leukemia blasts! For those of you new to the Brittany Chronicles, a week ago the results from her bone marrow and her peripheral blood cells both showed 100% leukemia blasts. We finished a round of chemo on Monday and although the bone marrow biopsy is the telling report, it is a positive sign that the peripheral blood has decreased in leukemia numbers. Unfortunately, while the chemo impacts the bad cells, it also impacts the good cells and these cells are needed to fight the pneumonia. That is why we are so grateful for those of you donating blood, platelets and the important white blood cells that Brittany needs until she can start producing her own.

In closing I want to say that occasionally someone sends me something that I feel is worth sharing. I have attached the short video as a little gift for your enjoyment.

From my heart to yours – thank you,
Beverlye

Update & Drama Queen

Brylee is turning into a drama queen no doubt. Some days are better than others but I tell you what. Sunday Brandon and I were both home with her and he was at the point where he didn't know what to do! She was having a drama queen moment, or day I should say, and we were both pretty speechless by the end of it.

She is very passionate for sure, but that goes both ways! I am really trying to think of some ways to help her control it, especially when she is acting out but I will say it is very difficult at times! Sunday was rough, but she still had some sweet/fun moments. Here are some pictures!

She gets very proud of herself when she does something good or learns something new!


She has always loved this chair. But now she has learned how to use the chair for different reasons! Dangerous reasons. No more of this...




*These updates are always from the night before. Today is Wednesday, this update was sent Tuesday night very late. So right now they are waiting for the doctor to come in to scope her lungs to see what condition they are in.

Hello to all,

As I mentioned last night, they did move Brittany back into the Intensive Care Unit at about 2:30 a.m. The Respiratory Team was not able to regulate her breathing and they explained that ICU would be able to prescribe different drugs and different procedures that they were not able to do on the leukemia floor.

The night was long and Brittany labored at her breathing until about 8:00 a.m. She was taking between 40 and 60 breaths per minute when she needed to be in the 20 breath range. Ultimately the decision was made to intubate her. Intubate was a new word for me so I had to look it up. . . Intubate - to insert a tube through the vocal cords and into the windpipe in order to provide a patient's lungs with oxygen. Yes, it is as hard as it sounds! They had to put Brittany under deep sedation to do the procedure and then they have to keep her under deep sedation for the procedure to continue working.

The plan is to allow her to sleep through the night while intubated, hopefully allowing her body some much needed rest and healing time. In the morning, the doctors are hoping to reduce her oxygen and “scope” her lungs to see the extent of the pneumonia. It is a fungal infection and according to the nurse, fungal infections are “nasty little critters” that are hard to get rid of. She continues to get the much needed white blood cells, platelets and strong antibiotics. We are hoping for a positive sign and a quick turn-around.

I would love for each of you to say a little prayer on Brittany’s behalf as you drive to work. That should pave the way for some good news!

My heartfelt thanks,
Beverlye

Brittany Update. Rough Night

Dear Friends and Family,

Two steps forward and one step back…that is where we are after a long day. Brittany made great progress over the last two days but today was a step backwards.

The getting up and out of bed was extremely tiring to her so the catheter was reinserted. She was also not able to maintain her breathing and her oxygen level. After increasing the amount of oxygen she was receiving to the maximum amount, the Respiratory Team and the ICU Team ended up putting Brittany back on the respirator. It was quite a traumatic evening as it was something that Brittany did not want to do, but as her breathing became more laborious there was no option.

It is now 1:30 a.m. and it looks like they will be moving her back to the ICU. They are not satisfied with her number of breaths per minute and are afraid she will just wear herself out.

Please join me as we continue to raise Brittany in prayer.

Forever grateful,
Beverlye

*This was sent at 1:30 am. Since then they do have Brittany back in ICU and I think they are going to have to put her on the ventilator. I will keep you posted.

"Broken Into Beautiful"

Friday night at the women's event I realized that all women are the same. All women want to feel excepted. All women want to feel loved. All women want to feel important. And all women struggle.

I knew this before, but Friday night my eyes were opened to how much God can do when women come together. I was nervous to get up and speak in front of 50 women, but after about 30 seconds of being up there I knew that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do. I have known for a long time that I had a heart for women, and now I am just so thankful that I can share that.

The heart of this women's ministry is rooted from my "story." I feel like there were years when I struggled so much and I never really knew "why." There were years that I felt like I was drowning and wondering why in the world I had to go through what I was going through. I know now that sometimes God allows us to struggle so that He can use it later.

The fashion show that we put on was based solely on that. The meaning of it was to reveal the heart of a woman, even though you have to look past her physical appearance to see it. Way too many times we judge women based on what we see, and we fail to take the time to see what else is inside her. It was neat how we were able to have fun with the fashion show but it was far from superficial.

In round one all the women just watched pretty girls work the runway! It was hilarious. But in round two each girl took off a "layer" and revealed something that is not seen with the human eye. They revealed struggles and obstacles that they have had to overcome in their life. This was very eye opening to many watching.

As I started to share my message those were the words that came out of my mouth. I started with the fact that every woman has a "story" and it's important that we take the time to find out that story. Way too many women try to hide their story, or their past, and when they do that God cannot use it. Once a story is revealed, God can go to work.

A friend told me to listen to a song last week. It is called "Broken into Beautiful." The second I heard it I immediately knew that song was the heart of my ministry. All women are broken in some way. But not all women allow their brokenness to turn into something beautiful. I am learning that women that take their pain and allow God to make it something beautiful will be truly blessed. In the years to come my prayer is that I can encourage women to stop being held prisoner by their secrets or their pain. I hope to encourage them to come together and allow God to use their story to save someone else.

Gwen Smith sings the song. It's here on my blog, but messes up at times, so I encourage all women to take a few minutes to listen to it. It's amazing and so true. I truly believe that God can take every broken piece of every heart and use it for His glory.

Here are just a few pictures from the women's night!

Here is the fashion show girls! 5 of them are Beauties from the Challenge!!


You can see all the girls in the middle on their knees...this is when it was more serious.

After the show I shared my message...

I got carried away talking and forgot that their were guys in the room! They found some of the things I said to be funny and a little embarrassing! You can see one of they guys here laughing...the other one is on the floor super red!!
Praise and worship...
Shannon and me. Shannon is the Pastor's wife for our church.

The Letter "B"

If you put Brylee in front of a bunch of letters and ask her to find "The B" she can pick it out every time. My mom has been teaching her the letter B since she born I think, and now she can find it. Once she finds it she picks it up, smiles really big, and gets excited because she knows that she found the right one. I think she is a genius! We have the bathtub letters that we practice with. I have put up to 15 letters in her bathtub and she is still able to find "The B." I tell you what, she loves it every time she gets it right!! I think she is going to enjoy school, at least it seems that way!

Her smile gets about this big once she finds it!

I was thinking about the letter "B" and so I decided to list 15 things I love/like that start with the letter "B!" Here we go. The first two are easy.

1. Brandon

2. Brylee

3. Bananas

4. Bubble baths

5. Babyruth candy bars

6. Beaches

7. Birthdays

8. Beauties (MY BEAUTIES!!)

9. Buying clothes

10. Baby lotion

11. Bronzing face powder

12. Bible verses

13. Bigstar Jeans

14. Back rubs

15. Beverly Hills 90210

Those are just some thoughts of things that make me happy...for whatever reason!

Here is Brylee picking up the "B" and playing in the tub. She loves it!

Updates Keep Coming

I am posting another update on Brittany and a few pictures. The last few days have been rough and tiring as I said before...hopefully I will get back to some real blogging this week! Right now I am just trying to catch up!







Hello to everyone,

There has not been a lot of change in Brittany’s status since my last night update so she is maintaining. One thing I did discover today is that like Verizon, we have “people” at MD Anderson. We have an ICU Team checking on Brittany’s progress. We have a Respiratory Team checking on her breathing. We have a Pain Team making sure her pain is being managed. We have an Infectious Disease Team checking her blood cultures for infections. We have a Leukemia Team monitoring Brittany’s leukemia and scheduling her chemo. With all of these “teams” I am sure we will continue to progress.

Brittany began the day at 7:30 a.m. with “Mom, I am starving!” So we ordered two fried eggs, a slice of wheat toast, a bowl of cream of wheat and a glass of milk. She ate every last bite – a good sign!

Brittany is still on oxygen, but the Respiratory Team has her doing breathing exercises several times a day. The goal is to completely wean her off of the need for oxygen. The Leukemia Team has Brittany on two more days of chemo. I am sure in another week or so they will want to do another bone marrow aspiration to see if there is any change in her leukemia counts. The Infectious Disease Team came by to let us know that Ecoli was found in one of her blood cultures. They are taking several precautions including making Brittany’s room a “protective room”. Everyone coming into her room has to wear gowns, gloves and masks. It definitely is a deterrent to visitors!

We received another donation of the white blood cells today so hopefully she will continue to improve. We have had so many people offer to help and as I mentioned last night, I do have white cell donors scheduled for the week, but I will not hesitate to call if we need additional donations.

Thank you for all you have done and all you continue to do,

Beverlye